| The Englishman and
England in the Year 2100. England goes
back to the Future by David Lennon
England
has become what it always dreamed of being, an
island unto itself.
After
expulsion from the European Union in 2032 and the
collapse of the thirty-five-year alliance as the
fifty-first state of the United States, the
country again stands proudly alone and separate.
Today,
in the year 2100, England is following its own
traditions, withdrawn from the world outside.
Scotland and Wales have long since gone their own
way as part of the Celtic Club, together with the
Irish and the Bretons.
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Europe
Beyond the New Century
2100
In
2100 London, some familiar vestiges of the
twentieth century remain, such as red
double-decker buses—although they now
silently cruise along on a cushion of air.
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| The divine right of kings
has been re-established as the centuries of
experimentation with parliamentary rule and
various forms of democracy proved to be divisive,
and ultimately ineffective in the face of
autocratic multinational corporations. Now the
king rules as a benevolent dictator, and once
again God is an Englishman. Every
Englishman’s home is his castle, albeit a
high-tech castle where interconnectivity means
that all of life can be ordered from within and
all needs satisfied by issuing a few
thought-commands to the central "Utility and
Life Needs" system.
During
their virtual reality history lessons children
viewing the computer mouse of a hundred years
earlier fall about laughing. "Everyone knows
that you think-issue the order, and it happens.
Silly, primitive twentieth century man,"
they say thoughtlessly. But many of the external
manifestations of the twentieth century
Englishman’s environment have been
reinstated.
The
once beloved red "telephone" boxes are
back on every corner, serving as "Complete
Life Communication Modules." Red
double-decker buses whoosh along on their cushion
of air, taking people around the cities or out to
the "Personal-Transport-Unit" parks on
the outskirts. And, having rejected both Europe
and the US, naturally all traffic once again
drives on the left.
It
was after the collapse of the Grand Atlantic
Alliance, during which England became the
fifty-first state of the US, that a reversion to
as many old ways as possible accelerated. First
to go was decimal currency. Back came pounds,
shillings, and pence, and twelve rather than ten
became the mathematical base.
Liters
and kilos had, of course, gone with withdrawal
from the EU. Back were gallons and pints, pounds,
and ounces. Meters and centimeters had been
replaced by yards, feet, and inches.
Unfortunately,
some of the retro-English developments have been
a bit distressing. With huge tariff barriers
against the importation of "foreign
muck" foods, the Englishman has reverted to
his tradition of eating overcooked, fatty, and
greasy foods. Fish and chips and pork pies
delivered to every home in the land through the
"Shakespeare Food Chain Pipe" ensure
that food is fast, cheap, and consistently poor
in quality. Still, there is roast beef again and
Yorkshire pudding too, both of which had been
banned in the early part of the century by the
bureaucrats of Brussels.
With
expulsion from the European Union for
persistently and irritatingly questioning the
logic and effectiveness of EU decisions, the
English have been able to really indulge their
eccentricities.
Many
quintessential English traits and practices of
the nineteenth and twentieth century reappeared
as the island race drew in on itself. Courtesy
and good manners are back, and men give up their
seats to ladies on the transport modules. Despite
long exposure to the American way of life, people
have reverted to their tradition of not speaking
to anyone unless they are formally introduced,
and they always say "sorry" if you step
on their toes.
Today,
every true Englishman wears a bowler hat, a
pin-stripe suit, and carries a rolled umbrella.
No one can quite see the point of the umbrella,
as global warming has made it obsolete, but the
king insists on it!
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